The difference between......

What's the difference between "To love a person for who he is" and "To love a person for what he is"? I was asked this question by a friend and it took me some time to answer. I was wondering would one actually thought of these when he or she is in love?

Well in actual fact, to love a person for who he is means - you fall in love with his character. You are attracted to his attitude, personality and most of all his true self. He is the person you can foresee to spend the rest of your life with, you look forward to spending quality moments together, his temper sweetens your relationship and ultimately his presence is an assurance to you. According to surveys, a couple will have a lasting relationship if both parties are into each other for who they really are.

In contrast to that, to love a person for what he is means - you love (or rather like?) your partner for what he has in life. You are basically attracted to the luxurious items surrounding him. For instance, you choose to be with your partner because he is well to do, drives a luxurious car, owns a decent house or just because he always uses designer goods. These are the non-living things that make you think that you are in love with him, but in actual fact, you are attracted to the external factors. Obviously, this relationship does not last. Even if one party is sincere and truthful to the other, the bond between both will not be strong.

I was skeptical initially, thinking true love only happens in romance movies. After reading several articles, I have been convinced that there are individuals out there who really fall for a person's personality.

It probably takes time for you to come across such individual, hold on to faith - if the special someone is meant to be with you, he'll cross your path in life. You might want to re-evaluate your relationship with your partner if he appreciates your penthouse but complains about your snoring! =)

~Find a partner who completes you!~

Tears of Joy

21st April 2010, Sunny Day

"Today is a sunny day. I woke up earlier than usual and happily getting ready to school because it is my birthday today. Mummy sent my sister and I to school along with a birthday cake to share with my school friends.

My teacher put 6 candles on the cake and all my school friends sang Happy Birthday song to me. Suddenly my eyes were watery. I do not know why my eyes were watery when my friends sang loudly surrounding me. I shared the cake and party packs with my friends.

Daddy brought my family to TGI for dinner. I had my favourite chicken and chocolate ice-cream. I told daddy my eyes' problem in school. They were watery even though I did not cry as I was not sad at that time.

Daddy told me that my eyes are okay and those are not water - they are called tears! I do not really understand what are tears but I am happy that my eyes are okay."

~adapted from Gerald's diary~

After reading the above, I was intrigued by this 6 years old boy. Is he just being sentimental or is he an Indigo child? Or is it telling us that kids nowadays are able to narrate their feeling in such detailed manner? At such tender age, he is able to feel the joy and warmth around him. Isn't it a wonderful thing? =) Am wondering what other wonders will take place...

-baby photo courtesy of fotolia-

A New Day

After 3 months long of being "jobless", I finally started my first day in a new company. The day was not heavy but somehow I left office at 6pm, which is unusual for me!! Looks like I have to get use to working late now. Well, now I can totally understand the phrase "Getting out from your comfort zone needs a huge effort!" Hopefully, I will get use to it real soon. =)

Yesterday was a day where I did nothing, intentionally, so that I won't be striving hard for the year of 2010! This is one of the superstitious practice of mine. =) I picked up this practice as I remembered reading an article that says on auspicious day or important dates, one needs to spend the day leisurely - welcoming the positive and good energy into your life! Though it is not scientifically proven but there is no harm practising it, right? =) I'll keep you posted if it is working!

Another good news to share - my friend has delivered a baby girl today! Both mother and baby are doing fine now. Can't wait to see them! It has been quite a while since I last held a newborn. Now am wondering which lovely name will the parents name her.

Lastly, I would like to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for the well wishes (no matter it's via SMS or FB)!! =) God bless...

Mid Autumn Festival (中秋)

Last Saturday (3rd Oct) was the Mid Autumn Festival aka Mooncake Festival. This is one of the major festival celebrated by the Chinese, on the 15th day of the eighth month (lunar calendar). This festival is for lunar worship and moon watching; on this day, the moon is supposedly at its fullest and roundest. Unfortunately, this year the moon was shying away from the Earth.

The traditional food of this festival is the mooncake, of which there are many different varieties. This typical delicacy is sweet and prepared in the shape of the moon; it is usually filled with sesame seeds, ground lotus seeds and salted egg yolks. Most mooncakes consist of a thin tender skin enveloping a sweet, dense filling. It may contain one or more whole salted egg yolks in the center to symbolize the full moon. Mooncakes are usually baked and they have imprint on top consisting of the Chinese characters - usually auspicious greetings.
Mooncake festival is celebrated annually. It is also a season where relatives and friends would visit each other along with mooncakes. With the new generations, the traditional mooncake has evolved into unique pastry with all sorts of flavours. From the typical Red Bean and Lotus Sesame Seed paste, bakery and hotels in town had come out with Durian, Oreo Cheese, Mocha Latte, Pandan Custard mooncakes etc. Hoping with all these newly invented flavours, they could win the heart of consumers.
Personally, when purchasing mooncakes as gifts, I don't go for special flavour but I would choose mooncakes with nice packaging instead. The mooncakes boxes are pretty and meticulously decorated. Of course, the cost is factored in. I would say these days consumers purchase mooncakes in order to own the collectible mooncake boxes. Err...yes, I am one of them. =p
Well, this year I have tasted a new flavour mooncake shared by a cool friend of mine - Snow Skin Red Raspberry with Cheese! It sounded weird but surprisingly the 'fusion' delicacy was really tasty! =) Am wondering what could be the new invention next year!

等待还是往前走？

如果有一天你发现这3年来 你很珍惜的一段感情突然变淡了，你会选择等待及挽回这段感情还是释放往前走呢？心情忐忑不安，当事人不知该如何。朋友甲说：“继续等待及忍耐一会儿，情况会好转的！别放弃!" 听了这一番话，当事人情绪也定了。一致下定决心继续等待，盼望一切会恢复自然。
过了一阵子 朋友乙说：“就算你能够挽回这段情，你能够保证它会不变吗？它可能只是短暂的恢复吧了！你还是放弃吧！” 现在该怎么办？朋友乙也可能说得对。就是因为这对话把当事人拉回犹豫不决的情况里。就在这个时候 当事人遇见了朋友丙 他诉说了一个真人真事给当事人听。故事如下。。。

在某一个火车站的候车室，时常坐着一位打扮整齐的中年妇女。她手里抱着一个老式皮箱 经常到处张望 似乎在期待什么。第一次见到妇人是婉婉高中的时候 每天放学乘搭火车到市区补习 夜晚10时回到火车站 妇人总是准时地坐在候车室的木椅上，一副等待着的姿势 不安的眼神 端整的打扮 好像在等待着某一个约好的人。时间一久 婉婉注意到妇人显得孤寂，有一天婉婉比平时迟到达火车站 她看见那位妇人走到候车室的黑板前用粉笔写着

[杰：等你没等到 我先走了！ 玲 留]

这是婉婉才知道 原来在候车室的留言是出自那位妇人。火车站老伯告诉婉婉 那位妇人已经在候车室坐了二十几年了 有人说她疯了 有人说看见她打开皮箱 里面装着的是少女时代的衣服。大部分的人都说 在二十几年前那个夜晚，玲和她的杰约好在车站碰面 要私奔到某一个地方 可是叫杰的那个男人却缺席了。
有一天婉婉回家的时候 不再看到玲的影子 问了车站许多人但是不晓得为什么仁然不见玲。这风雨无阻的妇人那天没有来 第二天凌晨 玲残缺的身体被火车站老伯发现在铁道上 那皮箱滚到很远的地方。候车室的黑板上有她的字迹，只改了几个字

[杰：等你三十年 我先走了！ 玲 留]

听完这凄凉的故事, 当事人心情沉重 替玲感到悲伤。当事人也思考了一阵子她不想堕落与玲的悲剧 也不想痴痴的等待了！这下当事人狠狠地告诉自己她决定大步的跨过这一段没结果的感情 从此再也不回头 只往美好前进。在此我也深深的祝福当事人能够轻易的忘掉一切不愉快的事 相信明天一定会更好的! 加油吧朋友！=)

Confrontation vs Evasion

I had a few thoughts over whether confronting an issue is better or should one just let nature takes it cause? Being in a competitive world nowadays, we meet different people from different background in our daily life. Thus, we can't escape from these challenging contention.

No doubt confrontation can be extremely uncomfortable; especially if the person tends to become anxious. Of course, confrontation can mean different things to different people. It may mean a disapproving look, a raised voice, or escalation to the point of yelling face to face. So, these could be the reasons that only a minority group of people has the guts to step forward to talk things out. Confrontation can become intimidating, but it does not involve a violation of human rights for dignity. Perceiving the difference is meant to help one to de-escalate the fear attached.

On the other hand, majority of the people, especially Asians will choose to avoid from matters. This is statistically proven in a research. Asians are not open enough when it comes to dealing with issues that had occurred, they tend to stay in the shadow, dare not utter a single word, even they are the victim. This is not a healthy practice as one will always be at the losing end & things will not get sorted out. Both parties will keep holding on to the thorns, pricking each other, till either party take the initiative to remove them. Yes, though it will take time to heal the wound, it is better than letting the thorns residing inside you.

Below are some tips & warning when you are dealing with confrontation:

• Do not mind read, do not try & guess the other person's motive. Assertively asking for clarification is your best approach
• Confrontation is appropriate when dealing with inappropriate behaviour
• Refrain confrontation and think of it as a negotiation
• Exerting control over another human being is beyond the scope of confrontational behaviour
• Learn to comfortably handle confrontation without avoidance may increase your level of credibility
  

So, which type are you? Are you the mighty brave-heart who sees no fear in approaching a person or are you the runaway bride who is always avoiding reality? Confront or not? The decision is yours!

Wedding Banquet

Yes, the long awaited wedding of Mizz Em!! It was planned over almost a year & finally the day has arrived. Being a high-school & also hang-out friend of the bride, I was among one of the privileged guests to be invited to attend the 3 days event. =)

1st day - Bride's Dinner
It started off first with an interesting dinner, held by the bride's family. Apart from delicious authentic cuisine, there were ceremonies & prayers to bless the bride. It was rather a women event - aunties from near & far, sisters & cousins were there celebrating the joyous moment & singing hymns. The men were enjoying their drinks & get-together moment. The dinner ended with everyone dancing & partying away at the dance floor.

2nd day - The Cleansing Ritual
It was a day where relatives & friends gathered at the bride's home for a traditional cleansing ceremony. The bride was cleansed using yogurt & turmeric paste, all over her & to be done only by married women. The soaked yellow bride then cleaned up herself before the next ritual took place - young children feeding the bride with sweet yellow rice. Why young children? It's because this ritual should be done by virgins. Next, the guests (mostly the ladies) were having a good time during Mehndi session. Their hands were artistically painted using henna. I've got mine done as well =)

3rd day - The Wedding Day!
The auspicious day began with a grand & momentous wedding ceremony held in a temple. Mizz Em, as always stunning looking, was gorgeous in her glittering saree. By her side was the good-looking & charming groom. What a perfect couple they are! =)
On the same night, relatives & selected friends were invited to the prestigious Royal Selangor Club for dinner & dance. All the guests dressed to the nines & everyone had fun & luxuriate in it! Superb night it was!

It's a wonderful & interesting experience to witness Mizz Em's big day! Congratulations to the newly wed & God Bless! =)
So, who is next in line?! ;)

Girls Day Out~

This is one of the activities done over the weekend, at least once a month. A girls' day out - outing with buddies, fine-dining, gossiping, movie, enjoying tea & shopping! Of course, these prestigious activities are exclusively planned only for the girls!

The outing is usually planned at least a few days before, where the girls will start searching for a cool & hip meeting place. Dining is always a never to be missed endeavor during the outing - from hot & affordable street food to classy & pricey restaurants. Girls will always end up at different eateries, from Eastern to Western - American fast food, Italian pasta & tiramisu, Spanish bread pudding, Mediterranean seafood, Japanese sushi & sashimi, Korean kimchi & bibimbap etc etc. It is not an easy task to decide where to dine as each of the girls has her own preference.
"I don't take sushi & raw food..."My clothes will smell if we bbq in an air-conditioned place..."I am on low-carb diet, can we skip rice?" - these are the often heard statements, one of the girls got to stand firm to decide & be peacemaker.

Next, an act which comes naturally when girls get together - gossips! I am sure guys do the same as well. Girls will first update each other on how things stack up recently. Then after, girls will express their concerns on others - from complimenting colleagues & friends to criticising them on their outrageous behaviour. The tète-à-tète usually gets heated especially when the anchor is opposite sex, which girls would discuss inside out about him. This is the moment when you could see the zest among the girls, with sparkling eyes.
However, the girls do show their ugly side too. Jealousy, cynicism, backbiting, disfavour are part of the drama. They do piss & moan about their unhappiness - mostly it relates another female individual. Somehow, the girls do feel much satisfied & relief after uttering it out. Perhaps it's just a girl thing to share feeling among buddies!

Shopping is next in-line - this is another tough task to be achieved, as each girls has different taste in fashion & also spending power. The one who holds a platinum credit card & several member cards of high-end stores would suggest to visit designer boutiques, whereas girls who have limited spending power will rather call it a day than window shop - only get to admire things but not owning them. It is also challenging when all girls shop together, first of all, they will end up waiting one another. Secondly, girls will pop-up asking for comments - "How do I look in this dress? Red suits me better or black?". A friend will think carefully before answering, perhaps smiling away complimenting you. A true friend will give you blunt answer, which is not always pleasant.

Well, all the above activities could happen in a day, within hours. Sometimes, the girls will end up in disagreements but they do agree that the day spent is worthwhile as there is always something new learnt. Be that as it may, some might view this as a complete waste of time outing - increasing calories intake & energy draining conversation.
What do you think? How much time left do you have to spend your quality time with your buddies? So, treasure it!